Monday, February 13, 2006 Cheney Duck Hunting Jokes/Thoughts (feel free to add your own in comments section)
1) If the guy can't even tell ducks from people, why should we expect him to be able to tell terrorists from innocent Americans? 2) This administration seems bent on eliminating lawyers and courts in general from the decision-making process. Is anyone else not very surprised the victim was an attorney? 3) I confess to not being very in the know about hunting. In fact, I'd never heard of this "bird shot" thing before this event. Apparently, it sprays hundreds of mini bullets over a wide radius. It seems to me that this would make the sport ridiculously easy, and unfair to the duck. Can anyone comment on whether this sort of gun is really necessary to hunt ducks, or if it's just some way poor hunters try to cheat the system? To me, it seems like trying to use explosives to "catch" fish, or nukes to "catch" terrorists. 4) Maybe this is all just part of the Bush Administration's campaign to look tough, or play "good cop/bad cop": They have Cheney pose as a deranged lunatic, to make Bush ever more like the compassionate conservative. I wouldn't be surprised if Bush does a photo op hospital visit with a fresh batch of cookies baked specially by Laura Bush. Then Cheney tries to steal the cookies or something. Or more realistically, he gets Charlton Heston to hold a pro-gun rally outside the hospital, like after the columbine massacre. 5) This incident makes me wonder why democrats were so emphatic in their criticism of Scalia for not recusing himself from the supreme court case involving cheney, after he'd gone hunting with him. Maybe as democrats, we should encourage this behavior. With any luck, they'll all kill each other! 6) OK. I'm running out of steam... If anyone has any more comments/jokes about this incident, post em in the comments, and I'll add em to the list.
"Do you know that Dick Cheney tortured the guy for a half-hour before he shot him?" -Jay Leno
The shooting was fertile ground for Jon Stewart, the host of "The Daily Show," the popular fake news program on Comedy Central. On Monday night one of the show's correspondents, Rob Corddry, introduced as a "vice-presidential firearms mishap analyst," said that "according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush," and "everyone believed there were quail in the brush," and "while the quail turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he would still have shot Mr. Whittington in the face." -Jon Stewart
Good news, ladies and gentlemen; we have finally located weapons of mass destruction. ... It's Dick Cheney... We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." -David Letterman
"When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney on the stretcher. No, the other guy!" -Jay Leno
"Hamilton, of course, shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." -Jon Stewart
"You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, six more weeks of winter." -Jimmy Kimmel
Random Headlines:
'Cheney Bags Lawyer.' " -Herald in Scotland
Games:
Last but not least, play the Dick Cheney Quail Hunting Game! (link)
